Although I no longer support people specifically with their mental health, one of the key lessons I picked up from teaching cognitive therapy tools was the differentiation between a Lapse and a Relapse; which is a concept that applies to any form of progress we’re looking to make. Let’s begin with some definitions. These are not necessarily the dictionary definitions, but they are how I have come to see… Read More »The Truth about Progress: Lapses and Relapses
When we want to make a change, we essentially want to ‘learn’ something. Learning is considered a “permanent change in behaviour which occurs as a function of experience.” But there is a force working against us. Nope, not aliens. Nor Nazis. Nope, no Jedis here… In the human body there is a state called Homeostasis. In Greek, it literally means “Staying similar.” This mechanism is entirely devoted to keeping… Read More »Why Change Is So Damn Hard
As humans, we are somewhat separated from other animals by our ability to plan ahead, to use forward thinking. By the fact we understand the concept of the future. Yet, it’s something we don’t utilise enough. This is not a new idea. We worry, “what if X happens?” and “how will I make that work?” But one of the most useful tools I use is considering the me-of-the-future and how… Read More »Secret Weapon #3: Consider Future You
Like many driven reinventors, I can’t focus on just one goal for a year or two; each of my goals is a strand I don’t intend to ever ‘finish’ just something to keep levelling up.
Ever heard of self-care described as self-parenting? It’s kind of true, isn’t it? I don’t currently have children, but I have a husband and two cats. [Sometimes, they can feel like children.] And I work with under-19s in my dayjob, so I’m not entirely oblivious. And with my pets, I set boundaries and hold expectations. I am their main carer; thus, it is my duty to ensure their basic… Read More »How to Improve Your Life Without Self-Discipline
Last week I walked into the bathroom, with its mottled brown tiled floor, and my foot just walked into an empty pint glass. My husband had left it just inside the door; either from finishing a drink or putting a spider out: I never did ask him… But my foot nudged it, and it fell. Somehow, it managed to entirely shatter across the whole floor. I was instantly pulled… Read More »Harness Your History: Broken Glass
So many reinventions are driven by a need for a fresh start, for being more adult, for a new, different, better self. But my proposition is that we keep our core style and then expand on it, instead of starting from scratch. Partly, this is because as a teenager / young adult I continually tried to make a brand new personality for myself, and it never stuck, never felt right,… Read More »Secret Weapon #1: Ready Your Armour
As a fiction writer, conversations with parts-of-myself feel a little less woo and more common than perhaps most people might find. If writing our conversations between two characters for a scene is ‘normal’ then writing out from “future, confident me” to “current, worried me” really isn’t so much of a stretch. I’ll begin with the cognitive side of the story. From the scientific side, journaling has a few benefits.… Read More »How To Talk *With* Your Fear