redefine

The Truth about Progress: Lapses and Relapses

Although I no longer support people specifically with their mental health, one of the key lessons I picked up from teaching cognitive therapy tools was the differentiation between a Lapse and a Relapse; which is a concept that applies to any form of progress we’re looking to make.   Let’s begin with some definitions. These are not necessarily the dictionary definitions, but they are how I have come to see… Read More »The Truth about Progress: Lapses and Relapses

Why Change Is So Damn Hard

When we want to make a change, we essentially want to ‘learn’ something. Learning is considered a “permanent change in behaviour which occurs as a function of experience.”   But there is a force working against us. Nope, not aliens. Nor Nazis. Nope, no Jedis here… In the human body there is a state called Homeostasis. In Greek, it literally means “Staying similar.” This mechanism is entirely devoted to keeping… Read More »Why Change Is So Damn Hard
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How To See Brokenness Through The Eyes of a Fearful Cat

This afternoon I was at my desk typing some edits onto my manuscript. Smoke was resting his damaged hip, snoozing on a cardboard box. I heard the noise, one cat-owners have likely heard at some point, and slowly walked towards Ember, and her fresh pile of vomit.  I told my friend I would be right back because she’d been sick, and my friend suggested I give her a cuddle.  … Read More »How To See Brokenness Through The Eyes of a Fearful Cat
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How to Improve Your Life Without Self-Discipline

Ever heard of self-care described as self-parenting? It’s kind of true, isn’t it?   I don’t currently have children, but I have a husband and two cats. [Sometimes, they can feel like children.] And I work with under-19s in my dayjob, so I’m not entirely oblivious. And with my pets, I set boundaries and hold expectations. I am their main carer; thus, it is my duty to ensure their basic… Read More »How to Improve Your Life Without Self-Discipline
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Harness Your History: Broken Glass

Last week I walked into the bathroom, with its mottled brown tiled floor, and my foot just walked into an empty pint glass. My husband had left it just inside the door; either from finishing a drink or putting a spider out: I never did ask him…  But my foot nudged it, and it fell. Somehow, it managed to entirely shatter across the whole floor.    I was instantly pulled… Read More »Harness Your History: Broken Glass
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How To Talk *With* Your Fear

As a fiction writer, conversations with parts-of-myself feel a little less woo and more common than perhaps most people might find. If writing our conversations between two characters for a scene is ‘normal’ then writing out from “future, confident me” to “current, worried me” really isn’t so much of a stretch.   I’ll begin with the cognitive side of the story. From the scientific side, journaling has a few benefits.… Read More »How To Talk *With* Your Fear